An Intrigue of Two
By Eli A. Susman
It’s not that I like her, I’m intrigued by her. The way she speaks, as if the world could collapse and nothing would be a bother. The way she walks, body standing tall, with a head drooping down, as if to say, “I’m not as happy as I look.” The way she looks at me in the
darkness, her caramel brown eyes reflecting the street lights, telling me that there is nothing she would rather be doing. I look at her, and she looks at me. We lock eyes, and she stops walking.
“What is that look?” She says, tilting her head ever so slightly.
I know what I want to say: “You look beautiful.”
And I know what she would say in return: “Oh shut up.”
Instead, I say nothing. A simple smile does it.
“Seriously, what is it?”
I’m caught off guard. As badly as I want to tell her my feelings, I know feelings aren’t her thing. I say the first idea that comes to mind.
“Do you want to climb onto the stage?”
Most people--average people--would question the seriousness of my question, but not her. Her drooping head bounced up, and her already big eyes began glowing.
“I’ll race you there.”
Before I could say anything, she was off in the direction of the stage.
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It’s not that I like him, I’m intrigued by him. The way he speaks, as if he simultaneously thinks he is the president of the United States and a stand up comedian at some small New York city comedy joint. The way he walks, as if the constant pep in his step is a cover for the insecurity he feels. “Don’t look at me,” it says. The way he looks at me in the darkness, his turquoise eyes practically lighting the street, telling me that there is nobody he’d rather be with. I stop walking, feeling unprepared for and nervous from his striking gaze.
“What is that look?”
I know what I want him to say: “You look beautiful.”
I know what I’d say in return: “Oh shut up.”
But he says nothing, and I feel a weight taken off my shoulders. As bad as I want him to tell me his feelings, I don’t know how to reciprocate. Feelings aren’t my thing. I panic, and repeat myself.
“Seriously, what is it?”
Most people would have told me that “It’s nothing,” and that I “Shouldn’t worry about it.” But not him, he does a full 180 and asks me a new question.
“Do you want to climb onto the stage?”
I don’t have to think about it. I run off towards the stage before I can finish saying “I’ll race you there.”
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I run after her, and after hopping a fence, we leap onto the stage side by side. I drop to my knees and begin playing an electric air guitar, she holds onto an air microphone and sings at the top of her lungs. We dance and sing until we no longer have the energy. Our voices sound horrible, but neither of us care. The grassy field is empty and dark, but not even a crowd of middle school bullies could stop us. Finally I run out of breath, and I lie down on my back. I hope she lies down next to me, but she doesn’t. She continues humming a song, and looking down at me.
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I awkwardly hum a song he doesn’t know and look down at him. Half of me wants to lie down, allow myself to give in, and fall completely into him. But the other half tells me not to. The other half tells me to run away, delete his contact from my phone, and avoid him for all of eternity. I pray to a God I don’t believe in that he says something. That he breaks the silence and helps me decide what to do.
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Half of me prays that she lies down. That she gives me a chance. But the other half of me desperately wants her not to. The other half wants her to stay standing, not even giving me a chance to screw up. If she lies down, the pressure will kick in, and I won’t know what to do. I question what she is thinking about, what she is feeling.
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What is he thinking about, how does he feel? If I lay down, what will he do? Will he kiss me?
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If she lays down, should I kiss her? Is that what she wants? Does she want me to kiss her? Why is she still standing? This is so weird!
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This is so weird! Why am I still standing? I stop myself from going down a rabbit hole. I calm down, and finally, with a deep breath, I allow myself to fall into it--I lie down next to him.
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Finally, she lies down. I take a deep breath, knowing that I am going to kiss her. Should I just go for it? Should I say something? It’s been silent for too long. I want to kiss her, so I turn to look at her.
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He turns and looks at me, naturally I do the same. I know what happens next, this is not my first rodeo, but somehow this is different, he is different. I hold my breath, waiting for him to make his move.
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This is my first rodeo, I’ve never kissed a girl--I’ve never had the courage before--but somehow, this is different, she is different. I can’t wait another second. I lean in, and suddenly my frozen body feels warm. Our lips press against one another, and I feel a certain serenity I’ve never felt before. I take a deep breath as we kiss, and for the first time in a long time, I feel perfectly at peace.
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His lips press against mine, and it’s not like anything I’ve felt before. I let out my breath as we kiss, and for the first time in a long time, I feel perfectly at peace.